Long overdue website update

A new front page for my website. Contains photos, videos, old song lyrics, piano bars and pubs, music hall links - take a look: London Bobby

Tiptoe through the tulips, the dream, the nightmare

Terry Smith gets into showbiz and discovers the plusses and minuses.

The deam:

The nightmare:

Who's the dummy?

I always wanted to be a ventriloquist and in my teens spent a few weeks of my hard-earned apprentice's pay to buy a superb figure. I never really worked hard enough to master the art so Humphrey has spent most of his existence in the case. Dummy.

Click here to see my page.

Can't be everywhere.

I'm missing a regular weekly treat, the Corktown Ukulele Jam at the Dominion Hotel, 500 Queen Street E., Toronto. This week the theme is Gordon Lightfoot and I love his music. It's a hoot, this jam, close to a hundred ukulele fanatics turn up with instruments. It starts at 8PM, be early or sit at the back.

They have a quiz on their web page identifying ancient pictures, last week it was this one, from 1954:

First thing I did when I got to Canada was to have the jacket made, I wanted one that would look good on TV which was black and white at the time. I never did land a TV gig wearing it but finally got thirteen weeks with CITY-TV wearing my pearly suit, in black and white, in 1972 just as colour came in. They used a little b&w remote system in a van, sold the van and cameras etc. to Venezuela right after my series finished.

London Bobby, time traveller from the last century.

No tracks please, we're musicians!

Tracks are boring. Tracks leave no leeway for expression or interpretation by the performer. Singing to tracks is karaoke, even if accompanied by the odd note on a guitar or a keyboard. Boring! Boring!

Use a band, or an accompanist or, if the worst comes to the worst, play the damn thing yourself. If you can't do that, learn! Don't go trolling round the internet for somebody else's work.

So, if you are performing somewhere and most of what we are hearing is from tracks, I won't be there.

Bob Smith, time traveler from the last century.

Time Travellers from the last century

I'm glad I am not the only dinosaur on the block. The man with the best possible career as a pianist excluding Iturbi and Liberace is Sid Wright, still active and starring in "The Three Pianists" concert. He is 89 and not a household name but worked in London solidly and simultaneously on radio, TV and in clubs for half a century.

I have just reconnected with my favourite entertainer of the 70s, Adam Timoon. Here he is playing Malagueña just a few weeks ago. He use to pack Adam's Inn at the Seaway Hotel when I was working at the Barmaid's Arms, both Toronto hotspots. Click here: Adam - Malaguena

London Bobby

Time traveller from the last century

My geekability is slipping

Before I chucked it all to become a pub pianner-basher, I was an engineer. I designed things, control systems, complicated stuff. So when personal computers came along I was in there, bought a TRS-80, went to TMUG meetings, learned to program in BASIC . But now I don't want to be a geek, I wanna be a user and record music, edit videos without having to delve in to the operating system. I don't want to know what an iDisk sparsebundle is or why I should have to worry about it.

I have an old car and I like to keep an eye on other owner's problems but I think I am going to give up. I thought it it was just computer geeks who confuse me but here is advice from an owner:

Re: Reatta quits running when it reached operating temperature

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Yes the crank sensor can be replaced,with out pulling the balancer, I have done it on the 1989 and the 1990 years. It may be different on the 1991 . Use brass feeler gage to set the clearence to the inner fins.You have to turn the crank to get the balancer set so you can slip the crank sensor threw the fins, there are gaps in the fins or rings what ever they are called. Some use a match book as a feeler gage. The unit must be set to clear all the fins or it will rub and damage the sensor. nemo

__________________

About the only term I understood was match book.

London Bobby

Time traveller from the last century.

When is it time to quit?

I have seen video of great artists performing when they were really past it, disappointing and somewhat upsetting when their previous great performances are still fresh in your memory. So I try to monitor myself. Voice: not too bad, appearance: not bad considering extreme age, piano technique: not as slick as it was, memory: senior moments occur, comedy: good! stage movement: lousy. So I had a committee meeting with myself and decided if impresarios still want to pay me, if anybody still wants to see me, I would still perform. So I am back in Toronto and not retired yet. My next gig is at the Nexus Piano Bar in Brampton, it is a particularly good restaurant in my humble opinion.

http://www.nexusfinefoods.com/

Fine dining at a reasonable price, nice ambience, a large saltwater aquarium and a grand piano, it's hard to beat the Nexus Piano Bar. I'll be playing there Thursday, Friday and Saturday this week, 6:30 to 9:30PM.

I would be tickled pink if you come.

The Three Pianists Concert

No grumble today except, perhaps, that my video camera is about three generations out of date in, it seems, about two years. The vicar's wife bravely held the heavy old Sony Camcorder for an hour to make this video. Thank you, Jette, and we excuse the shaky bits and love the selection of shots.

London Bobby -Final Public Appearance!

Well, maybe. Depends how it goes. Soon, though, the damn keyboard is getting heavy.

When London Bobby appears tomorrow, September 26 at the Winchester Arms, in Dundas, Ontario, it may well be the last kick at the cat. This pub is managed by the same folk who had the Winchester Arms in Streetsville where London Bobby appeared in the 1980's. It is a good place for a party, see http://www.winchesterarms.net/

London Bobby's Pub Night, inspired by the music hall of 1930's London, is an anarchy of songs, comedy and audience participation. The songs date from the last century but still go over well, even the young pub staff like it, to their and my surprise. Pleases me no end!

However, I will be retiring soon. My style is a bit mellow for modern ears and real pianos have all but disappeared.To all who have followed me for so many years I give my heartfelt thanks. I hope you have had as much fun out of listening as I have had performing for you. Thank you.

My name is london Bobby and I am a time-traveller from the last century.

In search of a piano bar

This afternoon I spotted a bar with a piano keyboard on the awning. I zoomed in, the keyboard logo was everywhere, even on the server. (I hate these PC words, so soulless. This server was in fact a lovely barmaid and the logo was beautifully displayed.) "Where's the piano?" I asked. "It will be here 9PM, tonight is jam night", she replied.

So I fancied a jam and came back in the evening. The band was on a break, I was invited to play when the band came back on. An hour and a quarter later the band was still on a break so I left. Bummer.

At the Barmaids Arms I remember working four hours a night with three twenty-minute breaks. The times are a-changing. I am a time-traveller from the previous century.

Retired?

Semi-retired? Am I working or not?

I have a gig tomorrow so this should be short, I have to rehearse. Yes,I have been playing but working? Not really. This is how it is.

Entertainment is a commodity like shoes or shirts. It has to be crafted and it has to be sold. The creation and updating of the show is work but it is satisfying. Selling it is hard grunt work as every successful salesman knows. There has to be market research, brochures, photography, CDs and DVDs, bios and resumes, emails and web-site updates, advertising, correspondence, negotiations, contracts, collections, telephone calls, cold calls, just a lot of frequently frustrating work.

When the sale is made, if it's shirts or shoes, the work is done. If it is a show, the work begins. I myself am the product that has to be delivered, rehearsals, travelling, equipment set-up, sound checks and finally the show itself.

My next birthday is a big one and I am going to give myself a present, I am going to semi-retire. I am going to cut out all the above sales work and I am never going to carry keyboards or speakers again even though few venues seems to have a piano or a decent sound system any more. I am still good old available Bob but I probably won't get any gigs which is a pity because I still do well, still like to work, to play, that is. I still have this thing, this package, this cocktail of music and laughter which is quite rare to find and which I have been blessed with. It is a vanishing phenomenon, most of today's performers don't smile when they sing or play.

Every successful entertainer is an illusionist, he walks on to a stage and does his thing, everybody has a good time and he makes it look so easy, so effortless, so much so in fact that bookers say, "You want all that money, you are only on for forty minutes"! My answer is, "I'm working now, negotiating with you, the show itself is free. If I am not working, why aren't I sitting beside the pool with a book and a drink?".

An adoring audience is like a lover and applause gives me a high. That is why we entertainers do all that office work, carry those speakers, lif' dat bale. The show itself is free.

I probably won't get any more Legion gigs. Apart from letting their pianos go out of tune and fall to pieces, they seem to think I am a dance band and put the audience miles away from me on the other side of a bloody great dance floor and expect me to bring all the equipment and play and sing for four hours to an inattentive audience for a pittance. Or worse still, they expect me to do that AND all the publicity and promotion and work for "the door" and CD sales. Sod it. In coffee shops the sign says: no shoes, no shirt, no service. Now I say, no piano, no fee, no performance.

On the booker's side it is a fact that putting on the evening is a lot of work and heavy responsibility for the entertainment chairman. (As everybody knows, in every club 97% of the work is done by 3% of the members.) My part of the show, entertaining, is relatively easy and fun for me. Putting bums in seats and making sure they can see and hear me is the grunt work but it is the booker's work, not mine.

Today I am playing the grand piano in my daughter's living room. My gold record is on the wall smiling down at me. There is a dog here who likes it. I am rehearsing for my gig tomorrow, a private party in Brampton. i must go, work to do.