Friday, December 23, 2011

Mind your own business.

I don't think there is enough general awareness that much of our governmental, health, insurance and whatever databases are on servers within the US and therefore by US law open to US govt scrutiny. This also applies to information stored with subsidiaries of US companies operating in Canada even if their servers are within Canada.

I find it frightening. They are a foreign country, their interests are not our interests. It is only 200 years since they last invaded us and they do tend to have cowboy presidents. I am not anti-US, they are no more malevolent than any other foreign country but most of their population know nothing about us and care less. I don't like to be marginalized and definitely don't like being invaded.

What does it matter if Mrs. Brown's personal records are readable by unauthorised foreign entities? Probably not a lot but databases reveal a lot that is sensitive, like for instance how many men of military service age are in good health in any particular region? This is not anybody else's business.

A comment form Canspace:

Exactly - beyond for the sake of keeping business within Canada and simply national pride, there are indeed many legitimate business reasons to do so.

There are many horror stories in the web hosting world of websites/data and entire servers being seized under the "Patriot Act" never to be seen again. Fortunately we aren't subject to laws with such sweeping powers.

Bandwidth and datacentre space does carry a significant price premium in Canada vs the US (as with most other things), but this is something we feel is worth the cost.


Sunday, December 11, 2011

Don't make old people mad.

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further:

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old People mad.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Who's the dummy?


I always wanted to be a ventriloquist and in my teens spent a few weeks of my hard-earned apprentice's pay to buy a superb figure. I never really worked hard enough to master the art so Humphrey has spent most of his existence in the case. Dummy.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Vodaphone visit? Take a bed with you.



Or at least a chair. It seems company policy prohibits sales kiosks from providing anything for a customer to sit on and since it takes at least twenty minutes to service each customer and there are usually three times as many waiting as there are sales people... It's tough on us old geezers who can't stand much more than fifteen minutes.

This is the law:
    As a provider of services to the public:
  • You cannot refuse either directly or indirectly to serve people based on age.
  • You are responsible for meeting the particular needs of older persons. For example, some may require more of your time be it in a doctor's office, a store, or in using public transit services.
This is the new flagship Vodaphone store in London, England. Okay if we sit on the display stands?

Bob
Time traveller from the last century.