Mind your own business.

I don't think there is enough general awareness that much of our governmental, health, insurance and whatever databases are on servers within the US and therefore by US law open to US govt scrutiny. This also applies to information stored with subsidiaries of US companies operating in Canada even if their servers are within Canada.

I find it frightening. They are a foreign country, their interests are not our interests. It is only 200 years since they last invaded us and they do tend to have cowboy presidents. I am not anti-US, they are no more malevolent than any other foreign country but most of their population know nothing about us and care less. I don't like to be marginalized and definitely don't like being invaded.

What does it matter if Mrs. Brown's personal records are readable by unauthorised foreign entities? Probably not a lot but databases reveal a lot that is sensitive, like for instance how many men of military service age are in good health in any particular region? This is not anybody else's business.

A comment form Canspace:

Exactly - beyond for the sake of keeping business within Canada and simply national pride, there are indeed many legitimate business reasons to do so.

There are many horror stories in the web hosting world of websites/data and entire servers being seized under the "Patriot Act" never to be seen again. Fortunately we aren't subject to laws with such sweeping powers.

Bandwidth and datacentre space does carry a significant price premium in Canada vs the US (as with most other things), but this is something we feel is worth the cost.

Don't make old people mad.

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further:

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old People mad.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

Who's the dummy?

I always wanted to be a ventriloquist and in my teens spent a few weeks of my hard-earned apprentice's pay to buy a superb figure. I never really worked hard enough to master the art so Humphrey has spent most of his existence in the case. Dummy.

Click here to see my page.

Vodaphone visit? Take a bed with you.

Or at least a chair. It seems company policy prohibits sales kiosks from providing anything for a customer to sit on and since it takes at least twenty minutes to service each customer and there are usually three times as many waiting as there are sales people... It's tough on us old geezers who can't stand much more than fifteen minutes.

This is the law:

As a provider of services to the public:
• You cannot refuse either directly or indirectly to serve people based on age.
• You are responsible for meeting the particular needs of older persons. For example, some may require more of your time be it in a doctor's office, a store, or in using public transit services.

This is the new flagship Vodaphone store in London, England. Okay if we sit on the display stands?

Bob

Time traveller from the last century.

Band-in-a-Box, but which box? Not a Mac.

BIAB for MAC

I have been buying Band-in-a-Box since the Atari version, back in the last century. The last version I bought for Windows was around 2004, it did everything I wanted. Then I switched to Mac and I found I had to keep my old PC laptop going to use the program.

I worked the piano bar on cruise ships and I had my laptop on the piano, BIAB running, earphone port plugged into an amp, and the display where the music stand would be. As it played the backing instruments the notation was presented to me with lyric and chord symbols close by the melody line. It was so easy to read and play that I could play anything! All the standards, Sinatra, Elton, Croce, Billy Joel, bossanovas, anything. (I turned so many passengers on to BIAB that I seriously considered becoming a rep and signed with PGmusic to do that. However, the ship frowned on it so that didn't go anywhere.)

The fly in the ointment was that I was using a PC, subject to annoying interruptions in service. So I switched to Mac and bought BIAB for Mac. The computer was steady as a rock but the program was rubbish compared to the PC version so I struggled on with the PC until I retired.

Yesterday I blew $89.27 usd and upgraded to the latest Mac version, highly touted on PGmusic's website. I thought surely in the last few years they must have fixed some of the most glaring deficiencies, and the price is the same as the full-featured Windows version. What a disappointment. The interface is still clunky, the lyrics still come up in a little box in the control area, hard to read and nowhere near the melody line, impossible to sight-read during a live performance. Basic conveniences that every other program now has, like "Open Recent" in the drop-down file menu, are missing. Yes, the RealTracks sound great but the old midi sounds were quite adequate for the piano-bar environment.

Apple is a major player in the sphere of music and so is BIAB. I am surprised and disappointed to find Mac marginalization at PGmusic.

London Bobby

Time traveller from the last century

Marks and Sparks Wines - who'da thunk it?

This is not a grumble, it's an unsolicited testimonial. Well, perhaps influenced by having just drunk a bottle of good French Chardonnay, I have to say that the wines at Marks and Sparks are surprisingly good - and cheap. Also, there is a good selection in screwtop bottles and to old geezers like me that is definitely a plus. Corkscrews haven't been that difficult in the past but with the recent trend to rubber 'corks' it is a tussle which we don't need. So three cheers for Marks and Sparks and their excellent wines with screw tops. So there.

London Bobby, time traveller from the 20th century.

Can't be everywhere.

I'm missing a regular weekly treat, the Corktown Ukulele Jam at the Dominion Hotel, 500 Queen Street E., Toronto. This week the theme is Gordon Lightfoot and I love his music. It's a hoot, this jam, close to a hundred ukulele fanatics turn up with instruments. It starts at 8PM, be early or sit at the back.

They have a quiz on their web page identifying ancient pictures, last week it was this one, from 1954:

First thing I did when I got to Canada was to have the jacket made, I wanted one that would look good on TV which was black and white at the time. I never did land a TV gig wearing it but finally got thirteen weeks with CITY-TV wearing my pearly suit, in black and white, in 1972 just as colour came in. They used a little b&w remote system in a van, sold the van and cameras etc. to Venezuela right after my series finished.

London Bobby, time traveller from the last century.

Search for Eddie Cevasco's love child.

The boy would be about forty now. His dad was a musician, record producer and a good guy from the US who produced my first album, "Booze, Birds and Ballads" and also, while here in Toronto, a son.. Eddie fell for a girl who wanted no strings, just a baby. Eddie is no longer with us but his son has a sister in the US who would love to meet him. Here's a picture taken at the Barmaid's Arms, Toronto, in 1971. Eddie's the guy with the long hair at the end of the table. Anybody...?

Sears Cares - but only in the US.

Sep 30 Blog (machine life 18 months?) emailed to Sears Canada

Sep 30 Auto reply from Sears Canada, we'll get back to you in 3 days.

Oct 1 from James at Sears Cares (US) - we saw your blog,  send us the details and we'll look into it.

Oct 2 owner has repair done and pays $400 +tax (ya gotta wash)

Oct 4 From Stephanie at Sears Cares (US) ( paraphrased) Oh, you're in Canada. Tough.

Oct 6 from Sears Canada, so far, nothing.

The Life of a Sears Kenmore Washing Machine, 18 months?

We have a Sears Kenmore washing machine, cost about $800 + tax, warranty one year.
First repair, a leak, at 13 months. Cost $90 +tax.
Second repair, a computer chip, at 18 months, cost $400 + tax.

A *@**!! computer chip! Why does a washing machine need a computer chip? They used to have a simple sequential timer, easy to diagnose and easily replaced when it went wrong after about 5 years, I remember. Finally at about ten or twelve years or more it would be time to replace the whole machine, and it never leaked.

Who needs programming on a washing machine? Oh, delicate fabrics they say. What proportion of the household washing load is delicate fabrics? Aren't they better done by hand anyway? The washing machine is for the grunt work and doesn't need a *!*@**%* computer chip. And I don't need $500 + tax worth of repairs before it is two years old.

I'll send this to Sears, and Frigidaire who made it, I'll post the reply if I get one.

Bob Smith
Time traveller from the twentieth century

Canada's Got Talent Looking For Fall Guys

Canada's Got Talent is coming to Toronto so I took a look at the website and read the participant agreement/release. After all, I am a good act and at my age a novelty, definitely an asset to such a show if I say so myself and, now I'm retired, I have time.

I've read a few showbiz contracts and this one takes the cake. Words like arrogance, bullying, gotcha by the balls, exploitation and slavery come to mind as I read it. And on their part a complete abrogation of any responsibility whatever for anything.

It gives them specific permission to to make secret recordings backstage or anywhere and use them to make the participant look ridiculous. It gives them permission to use the participant's name, work, pictures and videos in future broadcasts, advertising, even merchandising without compensation. And it insists on using the term participant, not performer. Performers have to be paid.

No wonder Susan Boyle blew her top. I won't be signing it, I pity anyone who does.

London Bobby
Time traveller from the twentieth century.

Playing chicken with world financial system

If the U.S. doesn't get an agreement between extremists in both parties by August 3 they are down the tubes and we will be sucked in after them. Tempting to sit back in Canada's comparatively stable economic climate but they are our biggest customer by far. If they go broke, we go broke. Hopeful quote from Winston Churchill, “You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.”

London Bobby

Time traveller from previous century

Keep them in until somebody owns up!

Oh Obama, such a schoolmaster! He had them all in his study today and he's making them all come back on Sunday. All the top people of both parties, both houses. These are rich people, how many Sunday pool parties, yachting jaunts and keggers have been disrupted? The wives must be furious.

I left my cash with Tony Bennett

To be fair, I bet he was heartbroken he didn't get to sing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" for the Torontonians last night. About twenty minutes into his set it started to rain and the promoters, citing safety concerns for crew and audience, announced a ten-minute break to let the storm pass over. About forty-five minutes later, after a few more ten-minute delay announcements, they cancelled the show.

There had been a long intermission after Diana Krall's set with slow clapping from the crowd indicating impatience. If they had kept the intermission to twenty minutes perhaps the show would have been finished before the rain came. Presumably an outdoor theatre has a sharp eye on the weather so the long intermission was unconscionable. So we didn't get The Big Finish.

For James Taylor's show the previous week the parking was free, apparently prepaid by the promoters. For the Bennett/Krall show it was twenty dollars, this price not mentioned anywhere in the promo. Line-up to get into the parking was chaotic, about forty-five minutes. For twenty bucks a little more efficiency would be appreciated. More gates, better signage. And lower cost, this is not downtown.

While our theatre scene is quite vibrant, outside the theatres Toronto has some catching up to do. Nearly anywhere else in the world there is some place to eat after the show. I am not asking for fine dining but there must be something more civilized than Chinese takeaway or McDonald's drive-through. The chance of finding anything to eat near the Rexall Centre is particularly grim, it is a cultural oasis in an epicurean waste-land, about fifteen kilometres from downtown Toronto.

It is nice to see a live star in a live performance, but to tell the truth the theatre is so big I was watching the giant video screen most of the time. So is the cost, the parking, the line-ups, the driving, the weather uncertainty all worth it? Not really.

Bob Smtih
Time traveller from the twentieth century.

First sight of Canada from a DC3

1951, the RAF sent me to Canada to learn to fly. (In Gimli, Manitoba, where they have wide open spaces with nothing of value to damage when we crash.) We crossed the Atlantic in a DC3, stopping at Iceland on the way to refuel. I spent ten months learning to fly a Harvard in Gimli and came back to Canada as an immigrant when I was demobbed in 1953.

Gimli is now known as the Air Canada gliding school, it is where the jet landed that ran out of fuel at 30,000 feet. See Gimli Glider, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gimli_Glider

London Bobby

Time traveler from 20th century

Let's hear the solution, not just scaremongering.

To: Jenni Byrne, Here For Canada Campaign Manager

Dear Jenni,

re: www.ipodtax.ca

I have received your email with the link to ipodtax.ca. I am replying here since your email address will not accept my email. I am a conservative but I don't think scare-mongering is a good thing to do, it is rather transparent and annoys the recipient.

It might be a good idea to address the problem that the tax is intended to address and that is how to compensate the creators of intellectual property for their work in a fair manner. Now that distribution by records, tapes, CDs and DVDs is down the tubes, how do the creators, of which I am one, get compensated? If it is not solved there will be very little original creation done and we can just lay down and die under the tsunami of remixing and karaoke pulp from the US which passes for pop culture so let's hear your solution.

I feel that the Conservative party is doing nothing to solve this problem, nothing to protect creators of intellectual property and nothing about the defense of a fragile Canadian culture against overwhelming American invasion. It seems the party's attitude is, if rape is inevitable, lay back and enjoy it.

And, by the way, would you please set out in clear language how the conservative party intends to support the CBC, if it does intend to support it at all?

Mind you, I think the HTML programming that went into creating ipodtax.ca is brilliant and I am thinking of using large chunks of the programming to improve my own website. Fair enough?

On Apr 12, 2011, at 8:46 PM, Jenni Byrne

Here For Canada Campaign Manager, wrote: www.ipodtax.ca

This is rather symptomatic, I sent the above message to Jenni Byrne at that email address and received the following as a result: Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:

hereforcanada@conservative.ca
There's a problem with the recipient's mailbox. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you.

It seems the 'Here For Canada' campaign only speaks, it doesn't listen.

In praise of ukuleles

Check out the Toronto Uke club, meets every Wednesday and there is no better way to spend an evening.

London Bobby
Time traveller from last century.

The Producers a smash hit in Fuengirola, Spain

Mel Brooks musical comedy 'The Producers' opened at Fuengirola's Salon Varietes Theatre on Friday March 25 for a twelve-day run. It was absolutely first class! The acting was terrific, the direction was expert, every clever witty line came across and the audience was roaring with laughter throughout.

I could nitpick about a couple of minor glitches with the scenery moving but I won't as this was the first night and I am sure it will be fixed by second night. What else can I complain about? The Mars bars sold by the charming usherettes melted in my pocket before I had a chance to eat them both.

The Salon Varietes Theatre is an English language theatre, the only one in Spain I believe. Where did they find these star performers? I don't know but I am going again closing night (Tuesday April 5), if I lived closer I would probably go mid-run as well. This is not to be missed.

This blog is called Bob's Daily Grumble so, alright; they will have to get better insulated wrappers for those Mars ice cream bars.

London Bobby
Time traveller from the last century.

The New Generation

Once upon a time you could walk into a comfortable lounge/bar with a grand piano and someone playing Cole Porter and Hoagy Carmichael music. Then there were a bunch of guys like me with singalong, chat and comedy.

The old order passeth. The new genration is represented by Jeffery Straker. On Apr 9 he will be in Toronto ON at the Royal Conservatory of Music Theatre. Go and see him while you can, it wont be long before it costs a fortune to get a seat.

London Bobby
Time traveller from the last century

No tracks please, we're musicians!

Tracks are boring. Tracks leave no leeway for expression or interpretation by the performer. Singing to tracks is karaoke, even if accompanied by the odd note on a guitar or a keyboard. Boring! Boring!

Use a band, or an accompanist or, if the worst comes to the worst, play the damn thing yourself. If you can't do that, learn! Don't go trolling round the internet for somebody else's work.

So, if you are performing somewhere and most of what we are hearing is from tracks, I won't be there.

Bob Smith, time traveler from the last century.

Martians to visit London Bobby Show March 12 and 13

Canada is sending my grandson to fight in Afghanistan.

I don't know why.